Close your eyes and take three deep breaths… This is the only moment you need to be worried about. There’s no yesterday. There’s no tomorrow. There’s just right now. You’re not late for anything. You aren’t going to miss anything. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. And you’re exactly who you are supposed to be. You’re absolutely perfect. And whatever happens today is exactly what’s supposed to happen. Go forth into the fray, and let nothing hinder you. Be everything you can be. Let life be as it may. Journey through it. Be happy, and make choices which do not let you decay. For you are everything you need to be. And you will accomplish everything you set your mind too. Do not worry about the failed. Only focus on the positivity and all its brail, for your fingers will find the path to all the happiness in the detail. Do only what you desire. For your soul will light its greatest fire. When you have walked every mile and experienced every second in your minds exile, you are the best you can be. Even in times of requiem; for you shall find solace in your heart and mind in the thought of the deepest equilibrium.
I feel sick. And sad. And exhausted. No matter how much I sleep or pep talk myself it’s so hard to face the day, and I don’t know how to make anyone understand it.
I am so damn apathetic yet anxious about my life, yet so emotionally invested in everybody else’s..and so concerned about the effect I have on everybody else’s lives.
I am exhausted.
finding it difficult to breathe.
And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.
My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:
1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?
of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”
I met you on a Sunday, right
one look and my heart fell into
my stomach like a trap door.
on our second date,
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”
he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
“how about you?”
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
you’re on my mind
you’re on my mind
you’re on my mind
you’re on my mind.